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3. If You Drink, Don't Park. Accidents Cause People.

7. If That Phone Was Up Your Butt, Maybe You Could Drive A Little Better.

8. My Kid Got Your Honor Roll Student Pregnant.

9. To All You Virgins: Thanks For Nothing.

10. If At First You Don't Succeed, Blame Someone Else And SeekCounseling.

11. Impotence: Nature's Way Of Saying "No Hard Feelings".

12. If You Can Read This, I've Lost My Trailer.

13. Horn Broken ... Watch For Finger.

14. If You're Not A Hemorrhoid, Get Off My Ass.

15. You're Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To Me.

16. The Earth Is Full - Go Home

17. This Would Be Really Funny If It Weren't Happening To Me

18. Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway

19. Illiterate? Write For Help

20. Honk If Anything Falls Off

21. Cover Me. I'm Changing Lanes

22. I Refuse To Have A Battle Of Wits With An Unarmed Person

23. You! Out Of The Gene Pool!

24. If Sex Is A Pain In The butt, Then You're Doing It Wrong...

26. Remember Folks: Stop Lights Timed For 35 mph Are Also Timed for 70 mph.

27. Guys: No Shirt, No Service - Gals: No Shirt, No Charge

28. If Walking Is So Good For You, Then Why Does My Mailman Look Like Jabba The Hut?

30. Boldly Going Nowhere

31. Caution - Driver Legally Blonde

32. Don't Be Sexist - Bitches Hate That

33. How Many Roads Must A Man Travel Down Before He Admits He is lost?

34. Money Isn't Everything, But It Sure Keeps The Kids In Touch

35. Saw It ... Wanted It ... Had A Fit .. Got It!

36. GROW YOUR OWN DOPE --- PLANT A MAN.

37. All Men Are Animals, Some Just Make Better Pets.

38. Some people are alive only because it is illegal to shoot them

39. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

40. WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.

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