Dumbest deaths in history

jokes and one liners


DUMBEST DEATHS IN HISTORY


How Not To Die:


Attila the Hun:
One of the most notorious villains in history, Attila's army had
conquered all of Asia by 450 AD--from Mongolia to the edge
of the Russian Empire--by destroying villages and
pillaging the countryside.

How he died: He got a nosebleed on his wedding night
In 453 AD, Attila married a young girl named Ildico.
Despite his reputation for ferocity on the battlefield, he
tended to eat and drink lightly during large banquets.
On his wedding night, however, he really cut loose, gorging
himself on food and drink. Sometime during the night he
suffered a nosebleed, but was too drunk to notice. He
drowned in his own blood and was found dead the next
morning.


Tycho Brahe:

An important Danish astronomer of the 16th century.
His ground breaking research allowed Sir Isaac Newton to
come up with the theory of gravity.

How he died: Didn't get to the bathroom in time
In the 16th century, it was considered an insult to leave a
banquet table before the meal was over. Brahe, known to
drink excessively, had a bladder condition -- but failed to
relieve himself before the banquet started. He made
matters worse by drinking too much at dinner, and was too
polite to ask to be excused. His bladder finally burst,
killing him slowly and painfully over the next 11 days.


Horace Wells:
Pioneered the use of anesthesia in the 1840s

How he died: Used anesthetics to commit suicide.
While experimenting with various gases during his anesthesia
research, Wells became addicted to chloroform. In 1848 he
was arrested for spraying two women with sulfuric acid. In a
letter he wrote from jail, he blamed chloroform for his
problems, claiming that he'd gotten high before the attack.
Four days later he was found dead in his cell. He'd
anaesthetized himself with chloroform and slashed open his
thigh with a razor.


Francis Bacon:

One of the most influential minds of the late 16th century.
A statesman, a philosopher, a writer, and a scientist, he
was even rumored to have written some of Shakespeare's plays.

How he died: Stuffing snow into a chicken.
One afternoon in 1625, Bacon was watching a snowstorm and
was struck by the wondrous notion that maybe snow could be
used to preserve meat in the same way that salt was used.
Determined to find out, he purchased a chicken from a nearby
village, killed it, and then, standing outside in the snow,
attempted to stuff the chicken full of snow to freeze it.
The chicken never froze, but Bacon did.


Jerome Irving Rodale:
Founding father of the organic food movement, creator of
"Organic Farming and Gardening" magazine, and founder of
Rodale Press, a major publishing corporation.

How he died: On the "Dick Cavett Show", while discussing the
benefits of organic foods. Rodale, who bragged "I'm going to
live to be 100 unless I'm run down by a sugar-crazed taxi
driver," was only 72 when he appeared on the "Dick Cavett
Show" in January 1971. Part way through the interview, he
dropped dead in his chair. Cause of death: heart attack.
The show was never aired.

Aeschylus:
A Greek playwright back in 500 BC. Many historians consider
him the father of Greek tragedies.

How he died: An eagle dropped a tortoise on his head
According to legend, eagles picked up tortoises and attempt
to crack them open by dropping them on rocks. An eagle
mistook Aeschylus' head for a rock (he was bald) and dropped
it on him instead.

Jim Fixx:
Author of the best selling "Complete Book of Running,"
which started the jogging craze of the 1970s.

How he died: A heart attack....while jogging
Fixx was visiting Greensboro, Vermont when he walked out of
his house and began jogging. He'd only gone a short
distance when he had a massive coronary. His autopsy
revealed that one of his coronary arteries was 99% clogged,
another was 80% obstructed, and a third was 70% blocked....
and that Fixx had had three other attacks in the weeks prior
to his death.


And finally there's Lully, one of our favorite 16th- century
composers, who wrote music for the king of France. While
rehearsing the musicians, he got too serious beating time
with his staff, and drove it right through his foot. He died
of infection.

More coming someday -- maybe?

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