This is the funniest video I've seen in a long time.
How a butterfly destroyed my neighbors house
No time to go skiing?
Simulate the skiing experience:
10. Visit your local butcher and pay $30 to sit in the walk-in freezer for half an hour. Afterwards, burn two $50 dollar bills to warm up.
9. Go to the nearest hockey rink and walk across the ice 20 times in your ski boots carrying two pairs of skis, accessory bag and poles. Pretend you are looking for your car.
8. For ski boot simulation at home, put a pebble in your street shoes and tighten a C-clamp around your toes.
7. Buy a pair of gloves and immediately throw one away.
6. Go to McDonald's and insist on paying $6.50 for a hamburger. Be sure to wait in the longest line.
5. Clip a lift ticket to the zipper of your jacket and ride a motorcycle fast enough to make the ticket lacerate your face.
4. Drive slowly for five hours-anywhere-as long as it's in a snowstorm and you're following an 18-wheeler.
3. Fill a blender with ice, hit the pulse button and let the spray blast your face. You'd almost believe you're skiing in front of a snowmaker!
2. Dress up in as many clothes as you can and then proceed to take them off because you have to go to the bathroom.
1. Repeat all of the above every Saturday and Sunday.
Perspectives On Life, by George Carlin
"The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends.
I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you
get at the end of it? A death. What's that, a bonus?
Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked
out when you're too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work.
You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement.
Why are all dumb blond jokes one liners?
A.> So men will understand them.
What is the difference between Government bonds and men?
A> Government bonds mature.
What is a man's idea of helping with the housework?
A> Lifting his legs so you can vacuum.
How do men define a "50/50" relationship?
A> We cook/they eat, we clean/they dirty, we iron/they wrinkle
What's the best way to force a man to do sit-ups?
A> Put the remote control between his toes.
How do men exercise at the beach?
A> By sucking in their stomachs everytime they see a bikini.
For all the ladies out there, Hope you liked these......
A horse walks into a bar... Bartender looks up and says, "Hey pal, why the long face?"
SOME TIME-HONORED TRUTHS & SOME POINTS TO PONDER...
One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people.
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
The older you get, the better you realize you were.
I doubt, therefore I might be.
Women like silent men, they think they're listening.
A fool and his money are soon partying.
Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
If you're born again, do you have two bellybuttons?
If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
They've come out with a new doll, Divorce Barbie
Johnny Cochran Duck Hunting
So the farmer kicked Johnny violently in the groin. As he was doubling over, the farmer kicked him in the face, and when he hit the ground, he kicked him hard in the ribs. After several moments, Johnny slowly made it back to his feet.
"Alright, now it's my turn," said Johnny. "Aw, forget
it," said the farmer. "You can have the duck."
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